Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Calamity Jane's Left Shoe

Bag (Fossil); Shoes (Aldo); Editor Pants (Express); Vest (Kasper); Bracelet *Lenny & Eva); Bronze monogram pendant (Pink Monogram); Turquoise, smoky quartz and freshwater pearl torsade (Ross-Simons)
The first time I wore these shoes, I took a header on some brick pavers while rushing to make a 6 am flight.  If you happen to know me at all, you are probably not surprised.  Translation:  I trip, stumble, run into inanimate objects, and fall down.  Regularly.  This has earned me a few affectionate monikers over the years, including "Grace" and "Calamity Jane."  As a fair-skinned redhead, I also bruise easily, so I often wear my lack of coordination like temporary tattoos in hues of black and blue on my toes, shins, and knees.  

My last calamitous fall involved my barefoot big toe getting caught in the cuff of my slightly too long but super cute Alexander Henry pin-up print pajama pants.  The result was one broken coffee cup, three coffee-stained stairs, and one enormous purple goose egg on my leg. I'm fairly certain I could be a regular on America's Funniest Home Videos if someone followed me around with a video camera.  Even so, I actually walk quite well in heels, which is to say, I walk at least as well in heels as I do in sneakers or barefoot. This is a good thing, given my penchant for elevated footwear, and I truly think nothing ruins the look of a beautiful pair of heels like a woman who cannot walk normally while wearing them.  Of course, for me, walking normally means I still stumble on occasion.  

When I tripped on the brick pavers last summer, I was much more distraught about the ripped fabric on my new left shoe than I was about the bits of brick dust and gravel embedded in my palms or the small trickle of blood running down my right shin.  So, I did what any self-respecting shoe lover would do - I waited for them to go on clearance and bought a replacement pair!  But, by the time my UPS man (with whom I may or may not be on a first-name basis) delivered my shiny new shoes, the season for sandals had passed so I stowed them safely away in my closet for the next year.  

Imagine my surprise, then, when I eagerly opened the box this Spring only to find that it contained...TWO RIGHT SHOES!!!  Are you kidding me?!  At least if they'd sent two left shoes, I'd have been able to cobble together one unblemished pair.  Instead, I am now the proud owner of three beautiful right shoes and one boogered up left shoe.  Not to be defeated despite the fact that the time for returns had long passed, I turned to plan B - the brown Sharpie. I'm actually pretty pleased with the results.  Thankfully, I haven't had any more missteps while wearing these shoes, but if I ever do, I hope it's the right one that takes the brunt of it because I've got two backups waiting in the wings.

I guess it's fitting that today I'm sporting a "Calamity Jane" quote bracelet with my Sharpied left shoe! 

Fashion is what you buy; Style is what you do with it!

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